Loner

Life is full of people, but sometimes you have one friend-- your best friend.


Yes indeed, you can rely on just that person and confide him/her your most risky secrets, your thoughts and wishes.


But what happens when reality and fate takes that person of years and places his/her destiny miles and miles away?--it is not a tragic loss really, just so...what's the word? Upsetting. Yes incredibly upsetting.


She is one of my good friends, not the good friend that only appears out of convenience.


However, I will not be focusing on her just yet, this is about being a loner and how sometimes solitude is the best remedy for any kind of heartache, and yes--- even a heartbreak.


At 19 years old, I feel sometimes alone, not the creepy loneliness that media and others think. Just alone for the fact that I cannot seem to want to open up to other "friends"


But not the kind of loneliness where I need someone to hold me--my handsome sweetheart does that <3 
I need a girlfriend-- a friend that is a girl I mean.
It is a shame that I can't find one at this age.
And my only one lives too far away.
Excuses excuses --whatever.


My parents certainly do not consent that, they remind me constantly how sociable and carefree I used to be--to be honest I miss that too, and wonder how in the world did I become so distant? and when did I become best friends with solitude and silence?


As a Latin person, I should be able to charm others in a good way of course, but not only do I seem to bore others but also turn off the lights on a conversation and leave.


Maybe it's a stage, maybe once I go back to Bolivia I will become the life of the party.
As for now I'm not even invited.
Maybe it's a stage of the age, much like when I turned twelve and suddenly wanted to dress all in black and purple and wear studded belts and heavy eye liner-- what was I thinking?
It was a good stage though, I had fun but it was time to let go of being a "rebel"
It will be all right, at least I console myself that way.


Maybe I enjoy the silence, maybe it gives me time to be more creative.
More time to rehearse for life and chase away my regrets, not that I have them so much


                                                  No Pain no Regrets
That motto stays with me, always.
To be honest, I do not remember where I heard or read that from. I'm so cliche sometimes.